Episode 11 of the Plastic Surgeon Podcast features Dr. Sajan’s patient, Kennedy Pridgen. Growing up in small town Virginia and the child of a pastor, Kennedy tells her story of discovering her transgender identity. From a young age, Kennedy began questioning her gender. By the time she was a teenager, she identified as openly gay.
By college, Kennedy explored the drag scene. Eventually, this led to her coming to terms with her identity as a transgender woman. When she came out to her parents and it did not go well, Kennedy knew she wanted to leave Virginia. Taking an internship opportunity in Seattle, Kennedy moved across the country with little money and not knowing anyone.
Kennedy wanted to medically transition, but without the ability to do so before, she began to explore her transition opportunities in Seattle. She started hormones and got to know more people in the trans community. After talking with friends, she considered MTF breast augmentation and received a recommendation to go to Dr. Sajan.
She started a GoFundMe and received support from the LGBT community for her top surgery. Dr. Sajan performed her transgender breast augmentation with 800cc breast implants, the biggest possible breast implants. Dr. Sajan also had the added challenge of placing the implants through the armpit.
Subscribe to the Plastic Surgeon Podcast for more plastic surgery stories from real patients and providers. Follow Dr. Sajan and the Plastic Surgeon Podcast on social media @realdrseattle.
Learn more about Dr. Sajan’s plastic surgery at https://www.allureesthetic.com
Dr. Javad Sajan 00:00
Ever wonder what motivates people to get plastic surgery? Did they regret it? What can we learn from the stories of plastic surgery patients? We're here to explore those questions and get some answers today with my guest Kennedy on the plastic surgeon podcast.
Dr. Javad Sajan 00:32
Hello my friends, welcome back. And thanks to all our listeners for the amazing feedback we have had so much fun and so far, and look forward to more of your insights and suggestions. Please rate and review us on Apple podcasts to help us get you more awesome content. On the plastic surgeon podcast, we listen to real plastic surgery stories, or triumph and pain from real patients and providers to further understand the motivations of why they would risk their life under the knife. I'm Dr. Javad Sajan and today I have the amazing Kennedy, Kennedy. How are you?
I'm doing great. How are you?
Dr. Javad Sajan 01:02
I'm doing amazing. Thank you. We are here to talk to you about your journey, how we came to know each other at the procedure you underwent and how it affected you. So for all of our listeners and fans, Kennedy is such an amazing person. Kennedy is trans gender. She, her gender identity is female. She was male assigned at birth. Kennedy came to me for breast augmentation. We're going to talk about that surgery, why we did it, how we did it. Before we get there, we want to get to know Kennedy because she's such an amazing person. Someone who really had the privilege to get to know. So Kennedy, what was your gender assigned at birth again?
My gender assigned at birth was male.
Dr. Javad Sajan 01:38
And where did you grow up? Where was your childhood?
I grew up in a small town of Southern Virginia. It's called Danville, Virginia. I never shout that out. When people ask where I'm from. I usually say Richmond because that's where I went to school. Like, I'm like, I'm not from Danville, but I'm from Danville, Virginia.
Dr. Javad Sajan 01:55
And did you grow up with both a mother and a father?
Yes, I did. I grew up with both parents my father was actually a pastor grew up in the church and my mom was like heavily in the church. She sang in the choir and I grew up with a younger brother and a younger sister. And then later on, my mom adopted another kid and then we had like another little brother.
Dr. Javad Sajan 02:17
Wow. Were you involved in the church during your childhood?
Yes, unfortunately. Yes. it wasn't a great experience for me. Just because in the beginning, like in the beginning stages, it was I was in the choir. I sing, I love to sing and so that was like my, like calling for that. And then as I got older and started coming into myself and like realizing who I was as a person, it was just not like the people weren't accepting me and like, it just went downhill.
Dr. Javad Sajan 02:48
So when did you start realizing your gender assigned at birth wasn't your gender identity?
Actually, so the gateway drug, I guess you could say to me, like figuring out like myself as a person was YouTube. I like was big into YouTube at the time.
Dr. Javad Sajan03:05
How old was you?
I was about, I want to say he's like 16.
Dr. Javad Sajan 03:10
And what were you doing on YouTube?
I was following a lot of trans YouTubers. My Gigi gorgeous and like Angela Vanity and at the time their name was John Lou, but I think there, I forgot their Elena Genevieve. That's her YouTube name but I was following all of these like trans YouTubers and I was seeing that they were like young and teenagers and they were like living their life and living their truth. And like, I had already known that like something wasn't right about me and how I identified because at a very young age, like I tell people this all the time when I was in first grade, I used to tell people I was a girl. I used to go around and tell my friends that, Hey, actually, I'm a girl, but my parents want me to pretend to be a boy.
I had no idea what transgender was. I had no idea what it was, but I would tell people that all the time and when I went to school, I would always wear these cowboy boots because they had a little heel on them. And I love hearing them click when I will walk down the hallway. And so like, as I got older, I was like, wait, what was I talking about? Really? When I was a kid, like, did I like already know when I was young? And so just like watching people live their truth on, like, my computer really helped me like figure out myself a little bit more.
Dr. Javad Sajan 04:23
And did your parents know that you were doing this?
No. My parents had no idea. I think the only person had like someone idea was my brother because we shared our room. And so my brother like kind of knew, but he also kind of didn't care and so if anything, he knew that like, I was a gay man. Like he knew that like hands down at the time, but yeah.
Dr. Javad Sajan 04:51
And on YouTube, why did you just start following the transgender accounts?
I don't know. Like, I think it was just like one of those things where it just came up in my recommended, cause like I did follow like a lot of like YouTubers at the time. And then like, then I was like, Oh, wait, what's this loop God like rabbit hole. And I went down this rabbit hole and was like, Oh wait. There's like people that like, feel how I feel. So yeah, it was definitely kinda like that.
Dr. Javad Sajan 05:16
But first grade you started having feelings that your gender wasn't congruent. What, and you looked on YouTube. Was there anything else that happened between first grade and 16?
Well between like so during so by the time I hit sixth grade trigger warning sixth grade, I was like sexually assaulted by my cousin. And it like changed my world. I like went through this whole depressive spell. And I had to go to counseling.
Dr. Javad Sajan 05:49
And you were, your gender identity was male at that time. And was your cousin a male?
Dr. Javad Sajan 05:55
You can share with us as much as you want, do you mind telling us what happened?
Yeah, so basically what ended up happening was we were at, my mom had left me at my grandparent's house for like the summer. My parents went to Vegas for their, like, like it was their little old parents' trip thing. And my grandmother had went into the grocery store and my grandmother had a van, like a really big van, like a church van because she drove, she would pick up the kids for her church and like take them to school. So she just drove the van all the time. And then we were in the car and then like, I was already like, I had questions and I asked him questions just because I was curious. And I was like, cause I had already, at that time I was in middle school, like middle schoolers have questions. And so I kind of came to him as like a groan, like I was like, can you help me? Like understand? Like, why did people feel this way? Like, why is it this? And then it kind of happened where he took advantage. He was like, Oh-
Dr. Javad Sajan 06:49
How old was he?
I think he wasn't like, cause I was in middle school. He was like in high school.
Dr. Javad Sajan 06:56
You were in you're like 12, 13. And he was like 16, 17 and you were asking him, why do I not feel like, why do I like men? And what were you asking?
Was like, "Why do I like boys"? Like, yeah, like, and then I was like asking him like, "Oh, why do I like boys that okay. And then it turned from less of a like, let me educate you to let me show you.
Dr. Javad Sajan 07:17
What did you do?
And then so like basically like he like penetrated me in the van while my grandmother was like in the grocery store. And then like after that happened, he looked and he was like, you don't tell anybody this. And so I was just like, Oh crap. Like, because it's middle school and middle schoolers are mean already. Like they call everyone “faggot”. They like are very mean. And so having this happen to me, I was like, "Oh my God, like, this hurts so much". And then, so-
Dr. Javad Sajan 07:42
He grabbed you or threw you on him? Or how did, how did it happen?
Or if he forced himself on me So like, I was just like, ah, I'm like, it just like happened, but like I was young. So like, I was just like, Oh my God, like, I don't know what's going on. And then so basically like I like from sixth grade to about like seventh grade, like that whole year, like I was like having like moments. I was like, Oh my God, like, what is going on with me? Like, is it my fault that this happened to me and like blaming myself for it. And then I like.
Dr. Javad Sajan 08:10
Did you tell anyone this happened?
So here's how here's what happened. I met, so I pulled my dad aside and mind you, my dad's a pastor and I was just asking questions like, cause I didn't want to tell him it happened, but I was asking questions and I said, "Dad, what happens if two guys have sex"? And my dad looks me in the eyes and says, "They get AIDS and they die". And so at the time I was like, at that point I was convinced I had HIV. I had AIDS. Cause I was like, wait, my cousin did this to me. So that means I have it. And so from sixth grade to seventh grade, I was like beating myself up, coming home from school, crying, like thinking like, Oh my God, like I'm going to die. I'm going to be like one those like kids on the TV, like, Oh, like this every Sunday, like for a penny a day, you can help a kid.
Like I was like, I'm that kid? So like my sixth grade mind is like, Oh my God, what's going on? And then, so I like had just like a breakdown. And then in seventh grade I like came to my parents and I just like told them, I was like, this is what happened to me. And then their first reaction was, "Oh, well we got to get counseling". And then, so I got stuck in counseling.
Dr. Javad Sajan 09:20
Do something happened to your cousin. Did they do anything?
No. They swept it under the rug.
Dr. Javad Sajan 09:23
But do you want anyone to find out?
They didn't want anyone to know. They told his parents and then it was it. Like that, that was it. That it just ended. It just ended like that was it. Like it never got fixed. Nothing ever happened from that. And the weirdest thing about that is like now me and this cousin, like I'm someone who I'm very forgiving.
I'm a very forgiving person, I believe in second chances. And I believe that people fuck up. And like I had to like basically grow up and like come to the fact that we were both children. We were both young. I know people do fuck up stuff, but I forgive you. I was like, good. I won't forget. So me and this cousin, when family events come up, we're very cordial. You know, we're very cordial. We're like, you know, it's not, I don't ever bring it up. We don't ever talk about it. But it's just one of the things where I won't ever forget. But at the same time, like I will forgive you. Cause I'm that type of person.
Dr. Javad Sajan 10:18
Yeah you have a big heart. A lot of people couldn't do that.
A lot of people can't. And so it's like really hard to look the person in their eyes and be like, Hey, I forgive you.
Dr. Javad Sajan 10:24
He raped you.
Yeah. And so like, I was just like, and I actually had that conversation with him when I was like only like 19. Like-
Dr. Javad Sajan 10:33
What did you tell him at 19?
I was just like, Hey, I was like, obviously the situation never got fixed. I was like or talked about. I was like, but I just want you to know like I have no hard feelings. I was like, I've gotten over it. And I've learned. And I like it's and it just sucks that it happened. But like, it hurts me more to hold a grudge against somebody. Like it hurts me more at the end of the day.
Dr. Javad Sajan 10:56
What kind of therapy were you involved in?
Okay, so my parents sent me to a Christian based therapy program and the lady with the therapy, the way she approached, it was more like, not, Oh, this happened to you, but it was more just because this happened doesn't mean you're gay. And so my mind is already like, "I don't know what I am like, I know I like boys, I don't know". And so she's just like, it just wasn't like, you know, and so at the end of the time, like by the end of the session, I kind of just lied and was like, yeah, everything's great. Like-
Dr. Javad Sajan 11:33
How many sessions did you go to?
I had to go to her for like I think it was like a whole year. It was my whole seventh grade year. I had to go to her. Like I think it was every Thursday. And like, I remember that because I would like come and like I had an excuse note, so I would come to school late. And so I would start on Thursdays. I would miss my first period because my counseling services were Thursday every morning with this like private Christian counselor lady. And so yeah, that's basically how that happened. And then like, after that, I was just like, Oh my God. Like, I don't know. Like, I'm just like so confused. Like it just didn't help. But the like the whole, like HIV scare was like gone. Cause like the lady cleared that out with me, she was like, "That's not how that works".
And so that was the first thing I asked her. I was like, "I think I might have HIV". She was like, "Excuse me, what"? And I was like, "Yeah, like my parents told me this" and she was like "Bad baby. That's not at works. She was like, "It's not just automatically just comes out of nowhere. And so then after that, like I just kinda was just really confused about like myself. And then I, by 11th, I think 11th grade, I came out as gay.
Dr. Javad Sajan 12:49
Who did you come out to?
My family. No. First people. I came out to my friends at school, everybody at my school knew I was gay by 10th grade. I was out, I was gay, gay. Like I was like flaming, like I dyed my hair. Like I wore like bright color. Like it was like-
Dr. Javad Sajan 13:04
What were your parents saying about all this?
And here's the thing. I would like get ready cause they were already gone. And so like I would get ready or I would change on the bus. And so like, I will like change on the bus cause like mind you, I lived in Danville, Virginia. Like it has like three active KU Klux, Klan groups. Like it's like very bad, really racist, like not a safe place for people. Like I stopped visiting because I felt like I was losing myself every time I went to go visit because I had to bring it down. I had to tone it down because to protect myself. And so mind you I'm like, at this point I'm like, I don't care. I'm going to live my truth. I'm happy. So I was just getting ready on the bus or getting ready in the bathroom in the morning at school and just like living my life and changing.
Dr. Javad Sajan 13:49
How would you change your clothes?
I would like just wear, like, I would like layer, I would like layer clothes. So like, let's say I will wear like really tight jeans and then I would like put like a baggier pants on top. Or like, if I like wanted to wear like a tighter shirt, I would just put like a sweater on and then just be like, Oh, and then I would get on the bus and be like, "Oh, I'll take all this shit off". Like, "I don't want this". Like, and then 11th grade on Christmas day, I came out to my family. Okay. It was an elaborate. It's actually really funny how it happened. It was so elaborate because in 11th grade I had started doing YouTube and like at the time coming out videos with a thing, like people like recording their parents coming out reaction.
It was like, this is like YouTube content. Like this is like crazy. Like, and so I was like, okay, how am I going to do this? So what I did was I found my baby clothes that I wore when I came home from the hospital. I found pictures of me from the day I came over not while my parents' wedding, the day I came home from the hospital, all up until my high graduation pictures could show you take those in 11th grade. Cause you're like this weird. And so I like wrote this poem and put all these pictures in this scrapbook. I mean, it was the gayest thing I could think of like put all these pictures and scrapbook. And on the last page and pink glitter, "It said I'm gay". And so I wrapped it up and like I had also had gotten, that was the first year I had my first job.
I worked at Air Postal. And so I had, had money to buy people presents. So what I did was I bought everyone presence and then I had that present. And so when Chris is what around like our, the way our house was, we have two Christmas trees. So we would do Christmas upstairs and they would go downstairs to do Christmas downstairs, which is the nicer gifts like upstairs. It's like underwear, socks, shirts, stuff you don't really care about. And then downstairs is like the good stuff. And so what I did was we had Christmas upstairs and then I was like, "Oh, I'm going to save my one present for the end". So I was like, let me get all my gifts first, just in case it doesn't go the way I needed to go. I'm like, you already gave it to me. You can't take it back.
So like, no takes you back. So like, and so I, we opened the gifts upstairs and then thank you. We opened the gifts downstairs. And then we went back upstairs and I was like, "Okay, I have a gift". And I pulled it out from behind the couch, had my phone set up in the corner of the room to record this for YouTube and I opened the I brought the box up and the way I won't forget how everyone was sitting.
Dr. Javad Sajan 16:15
Who was there?
Okay. So it was, they were on the white couch that no one sits on surface special events. And my mom, it was my mom on the left. My dad on the right. My brother was behind my dad and my sister was behind my mom and so they opened the book and they're all going through it. They're like, "Oh mom says, babe, do you remember this picture? Oh, do you remember this, like, I mean, they were just like, Oh, this is so cute". And then it gets to the last page and my mom flips it and it's silent. And my sister goes like, she was like, "Oh", and then my brother was like, "I knew it". And then my dad was like "Oh" and then my mom slams the book and starts crying, like hysterically crying and then runs into the backyard and starts crying. And she's like, "God, where did I go wrong?
And then I'm like video is recording. And I'm just like, I'm like, it wasn't how I wanted it to be wasn't as dramatic. Like, cause the YouTube videos like dramatic, like, "Oh, I'm just owning you". Like you're. And so it was just, okay, my mom ran her off crying and my dad's just sitting here, like on the couch with his eyes wide open, like he saw a ghost and then like my brother's laughing and my sister's laughing. And so I was like, okay, this isn't working. So I tried to make it more dramatic. So I was like, "You hate me. No one’s love me, like my life is over", and I'm like angsty in high school, like, "Oh my God world is ending".
And like, I like take the phone and storm upstairs, recording myself, crying. I wish I could find the videos it's gone now. But like, I'm in the bathroom crying? And then my dad comes upstairs and he comes into my room and he's like, "Hey", he's like, I just want you to know that like, you know, he's like, you've never seen me preach against gay people. He's like, you never see me. Like, he's like, our neighbors are gay and I hang out with them and he's like, I've never said that I hated gay people. He's like, all I want from you. And this is what got me. He was like, all I want from you is to respect me and your mom live a good life. And then the last thing he says, don't cut your Dick off.
Dr. Javad Sajan 18:21
And I was like. Well, thanks. Like at the time, because I had already know, you know what I'm saying? I was like, dang, like now I got to come out again. Like I'm like shit. Like I was so frustrated. I was like, Oh, I was like, you can't win with these people. And so I was like, okay, whatever. And I was like, maybe just like me thinking I'm trans, it's just like a phase. And I'm thinking this because I follow these YouTubers and I'm like, maybe I want to be like them. Like, so I just kind of just talk the trans out of my head.
Dr. Javad Sajan 18:51
And you were 19 at this time, right?
At that time I was actually, I was in 11th grade when that happened. Yeah. I was in 11th grade. And then so like-
Dr. Javad Sajan 19:00
Did you ever have relationships with the opposite gender?
Dr. Javad Sajan 19:04
Did you have relationships with the same gender?
Yes, so I had, well, and the thing is they weren't even relationships. They were just like closeted boys in my school who liked me and then just wanted to mess around in the bathroom. And then when their friends saw, found out that like, things are going down South, they're like, "Oh no, like, no, he's just obsessed with me. Like, it's not even like that". Those kinds of people-
Dr. Javad Sajan 19:27
This closeted people were they cause you hear different stereotypes about closeted people. Were they like the sports players?
See, I went to like a magnet high school, so we didn't have really sports. So everyone there was like either like anime nerd or like ran track or did theater.
Dr. Javad Sajan 19:44
So did they approach you or how did it happen?
So here's the thing. When I say I was open about myself, I was so open in high school in 11th grade, 10th grade, 11th and 12th grade, I was like gay, gay. Like I was like the only one in my whole school, like in the South, like that's like rare, like I'm saying for someone to be in high school and be like, I I'm happy with myself. Like I'm like, and so like people like radiate it to that. And it was weird because of my high school. I wasn't bullied for being gay. I was praised for being gay because like, I was like, I own this, I run this school. Like I get away with what I want because I'm not scared to be myself. And so that was like the approach that I had.
And so guys would just be like, Oh, well like obviously like Ken's a popular one. So let me just like, you know, people aren't gonna think that I'm like suss. If I like hang out with kin, they just think that I want to be popular. Cause I'm hanging around kin. So people were like smart with the way that they approached it. And also because my friend group was predominantly women, girls. So they were either like, "Oh no, look, I hang out with Kim. He goes like, he get with all the girls that can hooks me up with all the girls". But in reality they use trying to hook up with Ken, like, I'm saying, like that's what you were really trying to do.
And so then like, it just like, it was like boy after boy after boy. And then I was like, okay, I'm over this. Like, I can't do this anymore. Like I'm tired of high school boys. Like, and not just like stopped with high school boys. I think what really stopped was like, there's this guy I'm not going to say his name. There was this guy that I went to high school with and if you follow me on YouTube, you can go search in the archives and you will find him.
Dr. Javad Sajan 21:17
What's your YouTube username?
Dr. Javad Sajan 21:18
My YouTube username, I think it's still Kennedy K. I think it's Kennedy K. Yeah. Everything is either Ms. Kennedy K or Kennedy K. But on there if you scroll down, cause I purposefully didn't delete old videos of me because like it's my like history. Like it's like I used to vlog every single day in high school. My friends used to pick on me cause I would always have my camera out recording something like I recorded every single day. I would record Monday, Tuesday, upload Wednesday record Wednesday, Thursday, upload Friday, and then record Saturday, upload Sunday and not record on Sunday. Like that was my life for like the last two years of high school. And so there was this guy, like I was so obsessed with him and like, obviously like he likes me a lot, but he was like, no, like I'm not gay, but like we could have a bromance. And I was like, so you're calling the bromance. We literally hold hands, walking across the street to library and you call this a bromance, whatever and so prom comes around senior prom and he asked me to prom and I was like, yeah, I would love to go to prom with you.
His dad finds out, mind you, his dad is a conversion therapy pastor.
Dr. Javad Sajan 22:24
I pick them well don’t I? (sarcastic) His dad's a conversion therapy pastor and then his dad found out. And then, so the guy was like, "Oh no, like we're not going as like boyfriends. We're just going to his friends. Like we're going stag. But we're like going to his friends" and his dad was like, "No, that's gay. Like people are going to think you're gay. Cause like you're going with a gay kid to prom. Like it's kind of odd. Like you're going to look gay". So his dad made him go to not go to our prom. He made him go to prom at the neighboring high school with this girl, he went to church with and now they're married. So, and he's also fat and balding. So it makes me happy.
But like, I'm like, look at me, like I look good and good job. And so like that happened. And then I think I was just like, okay, I'm done with the boys. At the time. And then I graduated, went to college.
Dr. Javad Sajan 23:16
Where'd you go to college?
Um Virginia Commonwealth university.
Dr. Javad Sajan 23:19
How was that experience?
Oh my God. I loved it. I love VCU. I miss everyone so much. Like I like miss them to death.
Dr. Javad Sajan 23:27
What was your major?
I majored in theater. And then I like I did dance minor for like classes and stuff. I actually never completed the degree, but I got enough credits to be a dance minor. So I say I'm a dance minor. I went to the classes, I just wanted to graduate on time. And if I had that, I would've had to stay an extra semester and I was not trying to stay in the South for extra semester. I couldn't do it. And so I went to school, went to school for that. Made a really tight close friend group that I still talk to this day. Like we are like brothers and sisters, like we're like really tight. And then I lived my life like, so then when I went to college, so rewind, sorry. High school, I started watching RuPaul's drag race. And I was like, Oh my God, I love drag Queens. Like, I love it so much. Like I'm like fascinated. And then, so I was like, Oh my God, let me try drag. Let me dabble in drag. So I was like trying drag. And like, that was when I first started like cross dresser. And I was like, I had got my first debit card. And so I would buy things on eBay and like hide them in the basement.
And when my parents were gone, I would like dress up and be like, I look good. And then put it away when they show up and then I went to college and I took all that stuff. I was buying and put it in a tiny suitcase with my college stuff. And my parents were unpacking and mom was like, "Oh, you want me to unpack that suitcase? Okay. No, no, no, no, it's fine. It's fine". That's just like toiletries and stuff. I'll handle it later. So I just snuck it up. I put it under my, cause they're like lofted beds. I put it under my desk and I was like, that's it. And then my school has this thing called no shame, variety show. And it's hosted by the theater department for the students, by the students. And it's basically every other Friday variety show where the students like go home.
They like they're at home. They do their pregame. And then they go to this thing where people can sign up every other week and do whatever they want, judgment free. That's why it's called no shame. And so they were, I was like, "Oh my God, I should do drag for no shame". And mind you, they had never had someone do drag it in no shame in the history of no shame. They're like, we've never had someone do drag. So I was like, I'm going to do it. And that video also exists.
Dr. Javad Sajan 25:33
I had a patient a couple of weeks ago who told me that she started dressing as a female, male assigned at birth during Halloween. And she said many people started coming out that way or feeling it out. Do you ever do that?
No. Like I like Halloween was just like another day for me. I was like, Oh, like, cause I was always so like, ah, like a Halloween was just like extra glitter. Like it was just like a little bit on top. Everyone knows I do Halloween extra. Like my past Halloween costume was $250. I had a custom made Dallas Cowboys, cheerleader costume. Like I take Halloween very seriously. But we so, you know, shame happened. I did my first ever drag show and I felt so good. Even though I looked so bad, people were like, "Yes, queen yes, lay hunty. Yes, queen you're giving them my life". But now I look back at it. I'm like, no, I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. But like it was, it was the first time I was able to like express myself, like in any form of being a female in front of a large amount of people and it just made me feel good and I felt welcome.
And I felt like I was just myself. And so what I did was after that no shame performance, Hey, after that, no shame performance. I decided to go to the gay club and start performing and I would always have my friends come with me and I would perform. And then I kept doing every single, no shame after that all the way until I graduated. And every single, no shame performed in drag. And like I basically became the resident drag queen of no shame. Like people were like, "Oh, we're going to go see, because at the time my drag name was violet a sparks and they're like, Oh, we're going to go see violet as sparks perform" like she's. And I would literally tell, get so many people, it will be packed.
Dr. Javad Sajan 27:18
Like, what do you do during your performance?
So I'm mainly known for dancing. So like I dance, I dance my butt off. Like I'm a really good dancer and so people are like, Oh no, we're going to see if I let her, like, I would like just have tons of people show up. And so like, it was just like, it became a thing and I was like, Oh my God, like, this is great. And then, so I actually started building my drag name, like in the Richmond drag scene and at VCU. And so by the time I became a senior well rewind. By the time I got to junior year of college, I came out as trans to my whole school. So I had did a performance of land of Lola from Kinky boots musical and after my performance, I walked over to the microphone.
Cause usually I just like say a little something like, Hey guys, thank you so much for coming. And I went over and I literally was like, "Hey guys, I have something to say. I was like, I know I've like pulled myself away from people for a while. Like I've just been having a lot that I've been battling mentally and like trying to find myself as a person". And I was like, "And I think it's about time. I should tell you guys, I identify as a trance gender woman". And when I said that the whole auditorium, all 450 kids got up and started screaming and cheering for me and I cry and a guy that I had a crush on was a trans man. He's a trans man, his name's Anthony. He's great. He came on stage and hugged me and he was just like, I'm proud of you.
He was like, he's like, "You're going to go places. He's like, you're going to grow. He's like, I can already see you're going to become a beautiful woman". He's like, I'm so proud of you. Cause he was the only other trans person I knew. And he transitioned at a young age and so he was the only trans person I knew. And like, he, like that kind of was just like, Oh my God, like, yes.
Dr. Javad Sajan 29:07
Were you doing any therapy or counseling at this time?
The only advice I had gotten about being trans was from like drag Queens. Like people like older people be like, Oh, like, cause like he was the only transgender person my age, but there were like a lot of trans drag performers at the club, obviously like that had been there for years and they're like, Oh girl, you think you trans like you need to get on the moans girl. Like, like very much that. And so basically after that I was like, okay. I was like, so now what do I do? And then, so my senior year of college, I started like when I came back, I fully presented as female. Like I like changed my student ID. Like I still keep it. Cause like, it was like, it means a lot to me. Like I went to the department and I was like, I need to change my name and I need to change my picture on my ID.
And so I did that and they had no problem with it because my school is very like friendly. And like, they try to create safe spaces and like they even have this sticker. It's like a triangle with a rainbow on it. And like different people put outside the office. Then this is a safe space for people to come. So my school is very inclusive. So that really helped with me finding myself. Cause I went to a school that was very like, artsy-fartsy liberal. Like we love people. So I felt safe all the time on my campus. But when it came to medically transition, I was so scared because I hadn't told my parents, I was trans.
Dr. Javad Sajan 30:27
When your dad made that comment. You must have been thinking about it.
Exactly. So I was living as trans at school, but when break came, I was back to.
Dr. Javad Sajan 30:38
And what were they saying about you being gay when you were?
Oh, my parents were fine with it. Like my parent, my mom. So for the longest, my mom like, didn't talk to me but then once I went to college, she realized like her child is gone and like, I guess she was like, I don't want to ruin this relationship just because my child is like different, different. But she was like really on my side after that, like, we're like really close. We're still close now. But I didn't come out as trans to them until one day I was like having a whole mental breakdown moment. Cause I felt like I was just living a lie. I was like, I feel horrible because I get to live my truth here in Richmond, Virginia. And I drive three hours South and I have to be a boy. I was like, and pretend like I'm like this like country bumpkin, vineyard, vines wearing preppy little boy.
And I was like, this isn't me. And so finally I called my parents on the phone while I was in college and I like came out to them and then my parents kind of like, you're just confused. And I was just like, great, thanks. Like, and it's like, I hung up and then I still ended up living my life. And when I came home, like I said, I still wasn't living my truth.
Dr. Javad Sajan 31:45
How were your siblings about all of this?
My siblings, my brother just is very indifferent about everything that I do and my brother just has no emotion. Like my brother is very much like I'm chill, do what you want. Like, it doesn't affect me. You're cool. But my sister very much like was strict Christian. Like, "Oh, that's not okay. Like you're not a girl". Like growing up, my sister would make comments and be like, that's, what you're doing? That's girl, girls don't wear makeup girls aren't so my sister is very much like my dad, like my sister was like, Oh, girls don't wear makeup. Cause when I was in high school, I would wear makeup. Like my senior year I was doing like eyebrows, like foundation. Like it wasn't good, but I was like, thought I was cute. And my sister always be like, girls, boys don't wear makeup. Boys shouldn't wear makeup.
You shouldn't be wearing makeup. Like why are you doing this? And so like when I like told, cause I, okay. So the way I came out as trans basically three times, like first time mom was like, you're confused. Second time I went home for Christmas break. And then I told my brother and sister first, I was like, "Hey, I transgender. And I w I want to start medically transitioning. But at the time I still hadn't done it. I was like, I want to start medically transitioning, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah". And they were like, "Okay, we love you. No matter what", boom, that was it. The next day, my parent, no the same day my parents come home and I sit them down. Cause I was like, let me get my siblings, the pep talk. That way they can be on my side when it's time to battle the boss, my parents. So we get my parents show up and then we sit my parents down and they're like, so it was just so bad. Like it was a horrible day for me. It was Christmas Eve and it was horrible. Like nine parents were yelling at me and like, I was like, I don't feel good. I don't feel comfortable. I don't feel safe here. And then when I told him I was going to leave and go back to school and not be here for Christmas, like they were like, if you take the car, we're going to say it's stolen because it's in our name.
And so I was like trapped. Like I couldn't leave. Cause I was like, well, if I leave, then I go to jail because they'll say I stole the car and we're in the South. So they're going to believe anything that someone says that they pull over a black male and be like, Oh, this car is stolen. They're not going to listen to me and be like, Oh no, my parents didn't understand that I'm trans. And so I'm going back home to school. Like they're not, they're going to be like, no, shut up. Like, you know what I'm saying? They're not going to care. And so I just like stayed home. That was like the worst Christmas ever. And then so after that I was like, okay, well I guess I can't be trans like, like I guess I can't. So then I stopped presenting female and started presenting male.
Dr. Javad Sajan 34:10
So you felt because you didn't have your parents approval, you couldn't do it.
Yeah. And so I stopped being quote, unquote, trans, I stopped being trans, whatever you want to call it. And like, I like presented male for the rest of my senior year. And then.
Dr. Javad Sajan 34:24
Were people are asking you what's going on?
My friends were very understanding and my friends still use she, her pronouns, everyone around me. So you, she, her pronouns are they them pronouns? Like they, everyone back at school really is the reason why I am who I am today because they really helped me, like my best friends, Zuri, Tevin, Calvin. Like they really, really, really helped me and they made me feel comfortable. It made me feel safe. And so they were always like, Oh yeah, Kennedy. Cause I asked like, I want to go by Kennedy pronouns. She, her, or they, them whichever you feel. And like, they made sure that they made me feel comfortable and like, they made me like, feel like, you know, like I had a family, so they were like my family.
And so I just, but I was just like, I don't know if I can medically transition and then have to deal with going home. And then my parents were like, something looks different, something's off. And then it just being a whole new situation. Because fun fact, I went to planned Parenthood to actually get hormones in college and I punked out and left. When they called me back, they were like, "Oh, okay. Kennedy". And like, I literally got up and walked out. I was like, I'm sorry, I can't. And I left and I cried in the car cause I was like, I can't do it. Like I'm scared. And so I just live my life as a male for the rest as a gay male for the rest. And then I got an internship in Seattle and it was Courtney sail.
She came to my school and she interviewed our business at theater program. And I had already done a lot of children's theater and I was like, I" wanna like get more into children's theater". And she was like, "We have a great internship program in Seattle. Have you ever been to Seattle"? I was like, "No, I haven't been to Seattle. But like if it means getting across this whole side of the country, I will do it". And so we did the interview and I got it on the spot. She was like, Ken you're you're affectionate. Like you're great. Like you have such a great energy. She was like, you would love this job. So I graduated, moved out my house in Richmond, literally the next week I was on a plane to Seattle. I sold all my stuff. Like I moved here with only $2,000 to my name. I was like, if I would do anything I can to get out of this place, I need to leave.
Dr. Javad Sajan 36:22
Where did you live?
At the time I was living in Richmond, Virginia, but then I had to stay at my parents' house for a week in Danville. And I was like, I gotta get out of here. I was like, I have to go. I have to leave. Like I will do anything it takes to get out of here. So I sold my PS five. I sold my PS4, my PS4. I sold all my furniture. I sold every single gaming device I own, I sold my DSLR camera that I used to make YouTube videos with. I sold everything. I owned to make money, to get a plane ticket, to get to Seattle. Mind you and I also to get an Airbnb to last me a month because I had nowhere to live.
So I moved here, I stayed in the Airbnb for a month while I was, it was in Berrien. It was a lovely couple. Like they were amazing. I stayed there. And then I kind of just like, was like myself and then just gonna like, but still I was still identifying as a gay male and like, I was just like, Oh, like I'm like having so much fun, like meeting great children. And then.
Dr. Javad Sajan 37:16
What was your internship?
I was a, a teacher assistant for Seattle children's Cedar. They have a program where like, you're like a summer teaching assistant and you help with the teaching artists with like, basically you're the kid Corolla. You like get the schedule, like you like pick up the kids, take them to the class, take them to their meals and bring them back to the class, go to drop-off. So like, you're like the help, like you're like their best friend all day when they go to all these different teachers.
Dr. Javad Sajan 37:42
How are you making friends and getting to know people in Seattle?
Basically all the interns with were fake and I don't like it. And they were all really mean I was expecting, Oh, these are theater kids. Like they're going to be really outgoing. And they were all like, just introverts. And like, they just didn't like the fact that I was just like out there. I was like, Oh my God guys look like we would have a day. And I would like, Hey guys, messages, group chat. When I go like, go get a drink or something, or like, want to go get food or something. Oh, no, we're busy. Oh no, I'm going home. I'm tired. And then I would like, see on Snapchat that they're all hanging out at like gasworks or like something like that. And I'm like, I'm literally been trying so hard to be you guys as friends, like I, and that's the thing. Yeah. And then we would have our little intern meetings every Wednesday and like, we'd all sit. And then one day I came, I was just fed up. I was like, over it, like I was like, I'm literally trying to be your, and you are purposely being mean to me for no reason. I don't know why, because I've done nothing but shun, you guys niceness and kindness and compassion this whole time we've been here. And so I like got in the meeting and I was like, you all are fake. I was like, you all are bullies. And you're mean, I was like, yeah.
And I don't need to make friends with people that are going to return back to their shitty hometowns at the end of this internship. And then, so I basically like just started going out to the clubs, making friends. I was like, I'm going to make friends in a natural way. And so like, I like the first club I went to was our place. And like, I went to our place and I was like making friends that way. And I was like, Oh, like, you're cool. And like, hanging out with people like that.
Dr. Javad Sajan 39:14
How did you just go up to people? Start talking to them.
I'm like, I'm not scared to talk to people. I would just go to people like, "Hey, I like your shirt. I'm like, I'm not flirting with you. I just don't have friends. Like very much like that. Like I would like start the conversation. Like, I'm not flirting with you. I just don't have friends. And then most people be like, Oh, okay. Like, come dance with us. And then like, Hey, can I get your number? We should hang out sometime. And then like, it just like happens that way. Sadly none of those friends ended up clicking. Like, like they were just like temporary friendships. So like, I was like, Oh, well, that's cool. I met this person and then I started so the internship finished and I was like, I'm gonna like, stay. I felt like I was like, I'm going to stay. I was like, I'm not going back, I'm staying mind you. I was only making $200 a week. And I was like, I'm staying.
Dr. Javad Sajan 39:58
How are you living?
So I have reached out like, cause like I said, I'm not scared to talk to people. I reached out. And one of the people on the board of directors was like, "Hey, you can stay at my house". So I was living at her house in Magnolia for like a couple of weeks. And then after that, one of the children that was in one of my classes, her mom was like, Izzy. Like her name's Sally, Sally is the best. She's like the most like loving, caring, like woman. I've like, ah, she's like my Seattle mom. That's what I call. Cause she really helped me like be able to stay here. And so I was like, yeah, like I needed a place to stay now. And she was like, Oh my God, no, Sally. Sally was like, Oh, Izzy he loves you? Izzy is her daughter. She was like, Izzy talks about you so much. She's like, Izzy would come home and be like, Oh my God, I know Ken was the best.
Like Ken the best teacher ever, like out of the drama school class I've had ken is like literally the best. And so basically I became like, Izzy stay home babysitter? So I was like living there, but her mom was providing me a place to stay and food and paying me because she also cares that much. Like she was like, I care. She's like, I don't have to do this, but like, I want to do this. She's like, I like, you know, like I'm giving you a place to stay in a place to eat like food to eat. But like, I also want to help you get financially stable so you can like live your life here in Seattle. So stay there for a while. It was great. And then like, I met a couple of friends just like over the internet, like on my housing groups and that we would like hang out and they're like, Hey, come live with us. And so like, I like moved out and live with them. And then, so like yeah.
Dr. Javad Sajan 41:31
What were you doing for work?
At the time besides being the nanny, like nothing, but then I also was doing drag like that. That was the thing. I was like performing all over Seattle. I'm making a name for myself. Cause I was like, I was big in Virginia. I was like, known like my last show that I performed. It was a packed house. Like I walked out with a thousand dollars in tips because people were like, Oh no, you're leaving. Like it was like that. So I was like, I can, it's easy. I've been doing this for six years now. I can make a name for myself in Seattle. So I just started performing everywhere. And then I think the performance, I really like set it for me in Seattle was I performed at quere bar or whether they're brunches.
And one of the Queens, her name's Stacy Starstruck. Like she gave me like an opportunity cause she had never seen me perform before. And I showed up to one of the brunches and I was like, let me, I like, my boyfriend. I had showed up and I was like, I was like, let me show you. I will show you how you get a booking as a drag queen. So we show up, I have a $50 bill. She shows up, I tip her with the $50 bill. I look her in the eyes. I should have been full drag hands, her the $50 bill. And I was like, there you go. And after the show was, she do come straight to my table. She was like, you gave me $50. I said, I sure did. I was like, and you should book me here. So, and she was like, have you performed her housing now?
I was like, what? You should book him because that I know I'm talented and I know I'm a good performer. I was like, take my word for it. And so I did the performance and it was also my birthday at the same time. So I did the performance and I had brought, I packed half of the club. They had to add seats, add tables because it was so many people. And I had did the performance and everyone was like, Oh my God, like no one in Seattle performs like you. I was like, yeah. I was like, cause I know I'm good. I was like, it also like drag in different parts of the United States. It's different. Like up here. They're like, Oh, like, you know, like it's more alternative. But like where I come from the dragons, like big feathers, rhinestones, boas, big hair, like it just like the it's the shock factor like that.
Like that's like how it is. It's like, wow. Like, Whoa, like in the South, it's like, you see a queen, the curtains open and your eyes are just like, Whoa, take my money. Like, versus like in Seattle, like they'll perform, but it's more of like shock value through performance instead of shock value through aesthetic and so like no one up here had seen something like that. So like I had like skyrocketed really quickly. And then I-
Dr. Javad Sajan 43:55
So keep you making money doing shows?
Yes. I was making money. That was like my main source of income. And then I had stayed, I had stayed working at the theater, but it was only part-time and I was working in the box office. So I was doing part-time box office work, but doing drag mostly. And then I-
Dr. Javad Sajan 44:14
Were you on hormones at this time?
Okay. So no, not yet. At the time I was still presenting male because then the way it had came to me was when I came to Seattle, I was like, no, one's gonna love me if I'm trans, like people think I'm a hot guy. So I might as well stay a hot guy and get a relationship as a hot guy. You know what I'm saying? And so like, it was more fear of being alone. Cause it's a scary world out there in the dating scene for trans women. It really is either like with trans women, it's like either they like see you and they're like, Oh my God, you're so hot. And then like, I'm actually, I'm trans like what? I would have never known that, Oh, I'm sorry, I don't do that. Like, that's crazy. And it's like, okay, but you literally thought I was so hot, like 10 seconds ago. And I told you that I'm trans and you're like, Oh, like I'm done with it. It's like, or.
They're like, always wanted to be with the trans girl, like I'm so into trans girls, like, it's so hot. Like, I want you to dominate me. Like, I'm so excited. So it's like either fetishizing me or like, they're just like not here for it. So I was like, I might as well just stay a guy. And like, I was unhappy. I was really unhappy, but the reason I kept doing drag and performing so much in drag was because I got that euphoric feeling I had, presenting female and loved it when people are like, Oh my God, you're pretty. Oh my God, you're gorgeous. So I constantly was like, I should do drag. So I just kept pushing my like, like I kept doing drag to make myself feel better about like, not accepting myself as a person. And so I eventually started hormones cause I kinda was like, I'm just ready to do it.
Dr. Javad Sajan 45:46
How do you start them?
So I went to planned Parenthood.
Dr. Javad Sajan 45:49
Did they require counseling?
Nope. I went to planned Parenthood. I walked in, I said, I am trans, I need my hormones now. Like I was so demanding it. I was like, I'm ready. And they were asking me questions. They'd be like, do you know though? I was like, I don't care. I was like, I've waited too long. And I've made myself not happy with myself. I want them now. And so they prescribed me and I literally went to the pharmacy the same day, and got my hormones.
Dr. Javad Sajan 46:10
How did you feel with that?
I was so happy. I literally called my best friend Zuri in the car and cried. I was like, I'm finally doing it because my best friend is very, she pushed and pushes a girl, she's like be happy, be yourself. And she kept telling me that in college, she was like, fuck your parents, fuck what they say. Like be happy.
Dr. Javad Sajan 46:27
Did you tell them or no?
So I hadn't told my parents, no, I like, I moved here and I was like, I'm gonna transition and isn’t gonna never know. Cause they're gonna talk on the phone. I could just make my voice a little deep and like they'll never know what I'm saying and so basically I like started medically transitioning. It was on September 1st of 2019 when I first got my hormones and so I started medically transitioning and then I stopped medically. I know my body hates me right now, but I stopped medically transitioning because I was in a bad living situation. I had a roommate and the thing about people forget, especially with trans women and medically transitioning is like, your brain goes to a lot. Your brain is literally like chemically reversing itself, basically chemically changing itself.
And so I was having my moments. I was having my little sensitive moments and stuff, but then he like kind of like put into the other roommates heads. Like I was like crazy and like kept telling him that he was like, Oh, we need to tell and so one day he sent me down and he was like Kennedy. He was like, I'm giving you an ultimatum. We're going to kick you out. Or you're going to stop hormones because the hormones are making you crazy. And like, I felt so unsafe. I was like, wow. So it's like that. But at the same time, I was like, I can't be homeless. Like I have to stay in Seattle. Like I have to. So I stopped taking my medicine. I was like, if that is what it takes for me to like exist. I was like, I'll stop.
So I just quit cold Turkey, but I still had them. I, sorry, I still all my medication. Like I was like, it's still here and then so I met my partner and then we got in a relationship, but he met me as a gay man and then up two months before we ended up moving out, I like looked at him and I was like, you know what? I was like, I can't do this anymore. He was like, what? I was like, I'm transgender. And I was like, and I'm tired of living my life as a gay man. Cause I'm not a fucking gay man. And I'm like, I'm over it. I can't do this anymore and so he was like, Oh, I support you. He's like, I support anything. He was like, as you're going to be a true self.
That's fine. He's like, I support you 100%. He was like, I'm not going to not love you any different. He was like, you know, like if it makes you happy, it makes you happy. So like that day I started taking my medicine again and I was like, I'm going forward with it. I was like, I'm not letting anyone change my mind again. I'm not letting anyone make me feel like I can't be who I want to be and who I feel like I am and who I know I am and so I started medically transitioning. And then I around like, let's see, I want to say June, June, July of like this year, I like him met a trans girl. And like, she was like, “girl, like I'm getting my titties done”. And I was like, “Oh really?” And she was like,” yeah”.
Dr. Javad Sajan 49:20
So you moved in with your partner?
Yes. We moved in together. And so like, then I was just like hanging out.
Dr. Javad Sajan 49:24
Did you started your hormone?
And so pre COVID. I was like hanging out with a lot of people. Like definitely putting myself more around like trans people. Like my, like I can say my circle right now because it's majority of like trans people, especially trans women and they would just like, one girl was like, “girl, I'm about to get my titties done”. And I was like, Oh really? I was like, I've never like, looked into that. And like that all the girls at the same time, they were like, you need to go talk to Dr. Sajan. And it was like, they were like Dr. Sajan, Dr. John. He know the girls. He know, he know the girls, Dr. Sajan know the girls.
And so I was like, okay. Like, it was like, we know the girl, he knows the girls. He works on all the girls. And I was like, okay, who is this person? And it's like, I looked you up. And I was like, Oh, okay. And then like, what really got me, was the website, like when I looked on the website and there was a whole section for transgender, I was like, what the hell? I was like, they got a section for us. This is fancy. Like, cause really most like websites. It's like, you know.
Dr. Javad Sajan 50:24
It's on the site.
It's on the side or it's like, they don't have it, but it's like, well, if you come in, obviously we'll give you the procedure. It's not, you know, it's always like, okay, the girls weren't lying. The girls weren't lie. And so like, I did my research and I was like, I was like, this is the best option. I was like, this is the best one. And then so like, I like did my like little-
Dr. Javad Sajan 50:42
So what research did you do, do you look at my Instagram or Snapchat?
I looked at your Instagram. I looked up YouTube videos. I like did my research. I like looked on your website. And also the fact that there was a price list. I was like that. I was like, because most people don't do that. Like most doctors you go to, they just throw you a ballpark price. And like, you might show up three months later and it might be a whole different ballpark price. And so it's like, I like the fact that there were like base prices that could go up, but it's like, Hey, this is so to prepare yourself, this is what you're working with. This is the ballpark of what it could be. And so I was like, Oh my God, I'm gonna get my poopy Stein. And so I kind of just like, I was like-
Dr. Javad Sajan 51:24
What make you feel that surgery was the right time.
I was tired of wearing pushup bras. I was tired of stuffing. I was like, I'm tired. And also just, I hated the fact that like, if I even wanted to run a 7/11, or if I wanted to just go downstairs and do something, I had to put on a bra because I was flat-chested as all get out. Like I had like a little bit of something, but like, I was like, there's nothing here. I was like, my shoulders are too broad to be this flat-chested. And I was like giveaway. And so like, I just like was every time I walked out the house, like I would like walk like slouched shoulders, like just cause I was so scared or I would like layer up, like with like a cardigan and stuff, because I just wasn't comfortable with like my chest.
And I was like, I like, I just feel like this is something I need to do. I'm tired of it. Like I'm over it and so I was like, let's do it. And so I, the first thing I did was I looked up financing options. And I was like, cause I was like, I isn’t got money. I can't pay for this. I was like, I know I can't pay for this and so then at the time I was like, Oh, like there's like options. There's like plastic surgery, credit cards. And so then I applied for care credit and got approved on the spot. And I was like, that's my sign. We go going. I said, we going, and then I had did a go fund me. And I was so surprised how quickly I reached my goal.
Dr. Javad Sajan 52:41
How much were you raising?
$10,000. I hit $10,000 within the span of five weeks.
Dr. Javad Sajan 52:47
Wow. How were you getting people through your TIKTOK and all that?
It was just people I've met in my life that have genuinely been like, you are such a great person. Like you're such a good spirit. And like, people have like kept close to me. Like people just like, I like, you know, just like treat, I treat everyone nicely, like how I want to be treated. And so it just like paid off. Like, I'm not saying I was doing it to get it to pay off, but like it paid off without me wanting it to pay off. Like, I like started to go from me. I was like, it isn’t gonna make no money. Within 24 hours. I had already made $6,000.
Dr. Javad Sajan 53:21
Wow. And you emailed your friends or how did they know you were doing it?
I just, I posted it on my Facebook. That was it. I literally posted it nowhere else, but Facebook and I post on my Facebook and like I was so shook at people. They would do it in like $500, 600. I was like, that's, that's big chunks of money.
Dr. Javad Sajan 53:38
It's a lot of money.
It's a lot of money. And so people were like, don't do this. And like within a day like a 24 hour span, I was already at 6,000. And then like, I shared it on my Instagram and then tons of people in the gay, gay, community in Seattle, like Queens performers were just sharing it. And it was on everyone's social media. And so like every, all the performers were like, Oh my God, like help Kennedy get her new boobies, like everywhere everyone was sharing it. It was everywhere all over. And I did not expect for it to blow up, but every moment sharing it. But I think one of the things that really helped with it blowing up on Instagram was I had an, I want to say earlier that year, I think I forgot. I think it was March, March. I was crowned the Washington entertainer of the year, really? So it was a pageant and it's through the Seattle input Imperial court. And like, it was like a whole competition. Like they had, you had to get nominated to even compete. And I had only been in Washington, not even a full year and it was like, I'm competing. And then I won like the title of like the entertainer of the year. And like, everyone was like, I can't do no more. And so I won that. And so it had already like made people know who I was.
And so like the GoFundMe you came like three months after and, I was like, Oh, we know who that was entertainer of the year. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And so it just like shared and like made so much money. And I was like, wow, like, that's crazy. Like if you're nice to people, it pays off, look at that. But if you're just nice, nice things happen to you and so I had the money and I was like, I'm going in. I'm going to go get my boobie.
Dr. Javad Sajan 55:14
Did you research other doctors or just me?
I think I researched like other doctors, but like everyone kept telling me to go to you. Like, and like thing is, I believe word of mouth over the internet. Like if someone, if multiple people keep telling me to go to someone, yeah. I'm going to do it.
How was your consult with me?
Oh my God. Yeah. So it was just amazing just because like, when you like enter a room, like you make it feel like welcoming because like. Especially in the medical, like, it's scary. Like, it's scary. Like I was like here, like I look cute. I got my high heels on. I did my makeup, I got my good hair, but like, I was scared. I was like. Oh my God, like, this is crazy. Like, I'm about to do this. Like, this is scary. And so like, I like showed up and then like, just the way you entered the room, I was like, okay. He's like a good person. Like you have like a really good spirit. And I was like, Oh, I can feel the energy. Like this is going to be good and so it was just like, I like, it felt very welcomed.
And like, you just, like, one thing I love is like, you're definitely a doctor where like, you make someone feel welcome, but also you don't like fluff the conversation. You helped me like, figure out what's going to happen. Like, what's like what it's going to be in. Like really like have any questions and like, help answer those question.
Dr. Javad Sajan 56:34
During your consult we did sizing, you told me I want to go big.
I did, I went and I said, I want the biggest one. And like, I got the biggest ones and they're amazing. But like, I live with it. I was like, I want the big, I was like, what? She's like, it's 800. I was like, let's try it on. And I looked at, I was like, Oh, that's it? Like, most people, like, she was like, Oh, most people like sit here and contemplate for like a good, like 15, 20 minutes. Like, Oh, this one feels like I said, I know what I want. And the thing is, cause like one of the things I wanted it so bad, I knew I was like, I want big boobies.
Dr. Javad Sajan 57:09
My assistant left a room with him. It was 5 or 10 minutes. Usually it's 20 to 30 minutes. Did you really do the sizing? And she said, yeah. I'm like, ah, okay, let me go see what's going on. And so now your operation has some complexities involved in it. You want it to go really big. And because you're ethnic like me, we didn't want to put a scar on your chest. So we decided to go through the armpit. Now, most doctors say you can't do more than 300 CCS through the armpit. You may have read about that. We did 800 CCS high profile through the armpit under the muscle. And the reason that's so hard is when you make that space where they implant, it has to be perfect. Especially when you go through the armpit, there's zero room for error. So a lot of people prefer going through the fold. In knew I didn't want to do the fold approach because of the big scar.
Yeah. I was like, we can't do that.
Dr. Javad Sajan 57:59
Exactly. And it might, it could hurt your performance too. So we went through the armpit under the muscle 800. It was a big implant. Did it hurt?
Oh my God. So it's so funny because it didn't hurt until later that day. I think it was the drugs to let me because funny story, after we left, I don't know if she, the nurse told you, but when I like got out, woke up, I stood up and walked to the bathroom, like full on. She was shook. She was like, wait, she's like, how are you doing this? I was like, girl, I got experience. Like, like I'm just like full on. Like I got to pee and I'm like go to the bathroom. And like, I felt fine. I was like, I'm fine. Like, I'm good. Like, I can talk, like I'm not in like crazy pain and then I got home and I ate five slices of pizza, like, and they were like, Oh, keep it like, cause they said, before I left, they were like, Oh, we'll try like clear liquids.
And then like, try, like you can like do like soft foods. No, I got home. And I was like, Domino's. And like, I devour the dominoes. And within like, I kid you not like a minute, it all came back up.
Dr. Javad Sajan 59:02
That's why we said take it light we told you.
I was like, Oh, that food was so good. And I started watching TV and like, it was like a lot of movement and it like made me sick. And then I just like project out, like all the pizza came back up and then my boyfriend's mom was like, see, I told you, I was like, I thought I was fine. And then like, after that was when I started like having pain because the contractions, like when you throw up, like your chest is like, and I was like, and like, that was when the pain started. UI think three. So then what happened was we ended up going to his mom's house. Cause like, she was like, I feel better if Kennedy's here. Cause like I can watch and then we can take turns like this is a lot. So I went to his mom's house in Bellevue and we stayed there, but Oh my God sleeping was horrible. Like it was just an also sitting up. I felt like I had bricks on my chest and I couldn't sit up on my own. So like we had to count and they had like pushed me up. And like at the time, like I had this like, cause I'm very much instant gratification type of girl. And like when I first I saw them, I was like, they look horrible. I was like, I was like, they're at my chin. And like, they look so bad. I was like, am I bought still like, like full on having a home mental breakdown.
And then I called my friend Ani and she's a trans six soccer as well. And I was like, she got her boobs at earlier. Like, and I was like, well look how bad they look. And she's like, girl, calm down one. She's like, number two, they're gonna drop. She's like number three. And you just had the surgery yesterday. She was like, chill out.
Dr. Javad Sajan 1:00:32
You weren't supposed to look at them the next day.
Oh no, no, no, no. It was the day you took the, when I came back.
Dr. Javad Sajan 1:00:37
After the post-op.
Yeah, it was actually the post-op I did. Cause I didn't look at it. It was after the post-op when the bandage came off, correction time error. When the band had came off, when I finally got to look at them, I was like, Oh my God it looks so bad. Because I remember I was already off the pain meds by that time. So I was able to like stand up and take a shower on my own. And that was when I FaceTimed her. And I was like, Oh my God, like, they're horrible. Like they didn't look so bad. Like it's like Dodge balls on my chest. And like, she's like, girl, they're gonna look good. And then like, obviously look good now. But at the time.
Dr. Javad Sajan 1:01:07
When did you feel this started looking good?
I want to say like last week, week before last, like what I finally started to saw, like I saw like the drop. I was like, Ooh, and they're soft. And they jingle. I was like, I was like, this is nice. And so like, I like definitely like, but the pain like went away, like after like two weeks, like two weeks.
Dr. Javad Sajan 1:01:31
How would feel about them now?
Now I love them. They're great. They're amazing. They're fantastic. I like definitely have much more confidence when I walk. I realize my posture isn't as slouched over anymore. Like I literally walk on my chest up cause I'm like, look, I paid for these. I'm still paying for these and so like, I was like, like I'm very much more confident. My like I'm happier. Like when I like go to take a shower, I like stare at myself in the mirror. Like girl, you did that. And like, it like really like changed my, like my proportions. Cause like before, like I was so dysphoric about my body, cause I was like, Oh my God, like I am shaped like a brick. I am shaped like a refrigerator. I was like, I cannot, I was like, this is bad. I was like, I hate this.
But then like when I got, once I got my boobs done, it was like, okay, wait, I look a lot different. Now. I was like, I actually have a little bit more of a curve than I did before, but it's because I'm not used to seeing like, you know, the top, it was more of like boom and like going out at the bottom. And so like, definitely like my confidence is like skyrocketed.
Dr. Javad Sajan 1:02:37
Is your dysphoria better?
It's better. But we still have issues. Like there's still things I want to get done. Cause when I came to you, I want it like a BBL and breast augmentation, which I still want to, but I would tell myself I should wait. I should like space them out, which was the smart idea. And I remember like, you tried, you told me that you're like, maybe you should like, wait. And then like when I had did the financing, like she was also like, maybe you should like, wait. And I was like, no, I want it now. And then she was like, here's the price? I was like, I don't want to know. Like it like change. Like she was like, here you go. And I was like, we're doing boobs. And so like, I like went home and like really did some like, cause I had to give her answer. She was like, well, respond to me within like a couple of days. And I was like, okay, just give me time to think about it. And then I was like, maybe if I could like, just like apply for like three more credit cards and just run my credit up. Like I could just have a banging body. And then I just kind of like came back to earth and was like, okay girl, be an adult. Like take it slowly. Like it's not going nowhere. Like it's not going anywhere. Okay. Like if you get it now, something like the exact same way. If you get it like three months later, four months later. So I definitely like, it was like, let's wait. And, but like it definitely, when it comes to looking at my body, it's a lot better, like a lot better.
Dr. Javad Sajan 1:03:56
If you could go back and give someone else advice, someone like yourself as living in a conservative community who feels their gender identity, isn't congruent with their gender assigned at birth. If you could tell them one thing, what would it be?
If I could say one thing, it would be don't lose yourself. It might feel like that. All, everything around you is making you not want to be your true self, but it's possible to hold onto yourself as a person with your, like your spirit, how you feel, but also tread lightly because it is a dangerous world out there. And I think if anything, from like me telling my story, I that's what I did. I knew who I was, but I just played my cards the right way, because I was like, I told, I always told myself, I will never be a number. I will never be a statistic. I will never just be a name on the back of someone's shirt. I was like, if someone's going to know my name, they're going to know my name and I'm going to make a name for myself. So maybe just have that with you and like, make sure like never lose yourself, but like play your cards. Right? And if you play your cards right, you end up happier in them.
Dr. Javad Sajan 1:05:08
And that's what your story shows us. You went slow, steady that you were determined, you were safe, cautious, but also willing to take a risk when the time was right. I learned a lot. I know your ordeal. We'll teach our listeners how and what to expect as they start their own cosmetic and plastic surgery journeys. I appreciate your time. And I'm honored to have you as my good patient. And I would say my friend and I hope you feel that.
Oh yeah. Most definitely.
Dr. Javad Sajan 1:05:35
Thanks for listening to the plastic surgeon podcast and please rate and review us on Apple podcast or hear more great content. For my live surgeries on Snapchat and my adventure through out the week, catch us on all media. See you next time.